When life gives you lemons

You may notice the lack of posts leading up to the symposium. On Monday, which was my birthday, my amazing husband walked out on me. Put the cake down on the counter and packed his bag. I thought I had a great marriage and we had built a wonderful life together. We had been married 10 yrs. Everybody who knew us is totally shocked. It makes you feel like you lived a lie. I honestly can’t say I even know what happened. He gave reasons, the main being he doesn’t love me and he doesn’t like the person that I am. Hard to believe that you still have a very close emotional and physical relationship with somebody and manage to miss all the signs. Heck, our business had never been better. We were achieving all of our goals that we had set and looking forward to the future. I always did my best to treat him great. We didn’t argue. We had no issues. There just weren’t any signs. Maybe lack of communication as he wasn’t ever much of a talker so I place some blame there.

I always thought my husband to be a wonderful man. He was always very supportive of the horses but he never needed to be as involved if he didn’t want to be. I always tried to put our marriage first. We both had good jobs outside of the farm/horses and easily could have done things differently if needed. He left without even a shot at counseling. I am a fixer so that is most frustrating because I would do anything to make things work.

Right now my world is turned upside down. I have a 11 acre farm with 8 horses, 16 cats (lots of barn cats and some house cats) and a dog. It all seems overwhelming to the point of being crippling. You just don’t know which way to go or how you will make it through the day.

I did take Katzimo to the symposium but I didn’t ride. Allie Knowles rode him and it was so cool to see. He was amazing and showed off what a cool horse that he really is. He is sold and will leave tomorrow. I am selling all my personal horses. Letterman, Junior, Legend, Blue Desert and Tin Star. I need to regroup and find which direction I will go.

Honestly, I do need support right now. It has been most helpful just to have people to talk to, email with or just hear that it will be okay. I suppose some people want to hide but I am lonely in my house. jessicamorthole@yahoo.com or 302-598-6129.

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22 responses to “When life gives you lemons

  1. I am so sorry to hear this. I’ve been a long time reader and love your blog.
    For what it’s worth, I went through a similar situation and it really does get better. The short term wasn’t all that fun,I won’t lie, but over the longer term I’ve never been happier. My advice would be to not make too many hasty decisions (like you, I like to fix things. I made a few silly decisions and made things harder than they needed to be in my haste to get back to some sort of order) Take whatever time you need to sort out where you need to go from here. Don’t beat yourself up over anything, either!

  2. I am just so very, very sorry. I can’t even imagine how you feel. I always thought it was so awesome that your hubby would ride with you. My hubby supports my love if horses, but rarely sets foot in the barn, and would never ever consider getting in the saddle. It will take time, probably a long time, but you will be OK. I have been stalking your blog since Dixie; even though we’ve never met, I feel like I know you. I hate to see you sell all your horses – could you maybe free lease Letterman and/or Junior? Again, I am just so sorry 😦

  3. I am so incredibly sorry! I am a firm believer in “everything happens for a reason”. I know that isn’t always the easiest to believe it, but try to stay as positive as you can. I wish you the best and am willing to help in anyway that I can! erodgers122@gmail.com

  4. Gosh, what a shock! I just checked in to see if you’d posted about the symposium. Uggh. I don’t know you except through your writings, but I feel just awful for you. What a crappy birthday! You deserve better, and I hope you can find bits of comfort and peace in this difficult time.

  5. Jessica, you don’t know me from Adam, but I’m a long time reader of your blog. You are an amazing horsewoman and blogger, and I’ve learned so much reading about your experiences. But this was one experience I’d never wish on anyone – I was just devastated for you when I read your post tonight. I am so, so sorry you are going through this. Perhaps a little time apart will bring him to his senses. Be good to yourself and take all the time you can in making your plans. You are not alone! Mary Jane.

  6. I am so sorry…your bewilderment and pain are evident in your words, but eventually you will get through that and be a stonger woman. I only know you through your blog, but your determination, ability to deal with a challenge and sense of humor never fail to impress and will serve you well even in this. I think you are very brave to put your story out there, and I know you will be OK and even better than OK…take care Jessica.

  7. Jess I hope you will find the way to keep pursuing your dreams and continue to rescue and train these wonderful horses. You have a real gift. We are all pulling for you-time heals everything. Better days are coming.
    Take care,
    Jane

  8. I too am a long time reader, and I am sorry to hear you are going through this! About two years ago I went through something similar. My relationship of 6 years fell apart in the space of a few days. One weekend we were fine (or so i thought), the next i was looking for apartments. It does get better, two years out and I am doing just fine. It wasnt an easy road, and just about every aspect of my life had to change. Honestly, I still have questions as to what happened between he and I, and still cannot believe how much i didnt know the person that i lived with. When i was having trouble dealing, I went to therapy, it gave me and unbiased person to vent to if anything.

    I to had a lot depending upon me and had no choice but to downsize to one horse, though i do not know your situation financially/timewise, etc. Do your best to hold on to at least some of the things that you hold dear, ie one horse, your favorite kitties, etc. They are a constant that you will be able to rely on and look forward to.

    Thinking of you. Send me an email if you just want to vent.

  9. Another blog reader just gut-wrenched for you. I remember reading this awhile ago, and how it pointed out that it’s his issue, and likely has nothing to do with you:
    http://www.nytimes.com/2009/08/02/fashion/02love.html?pagewanted=all&_r=0

  10. Am very sorry to hear of your sudden misfortune and heartbreak. I don’t know the age of your husband but some do go through a “mid-life crisis” and then come back to their senses. At this point all you can do is take care of yourself the best you can and know that people care. Be careful not to make hasty decisions but rather let things settle a bit. Hang in there!
    Vicki ~

  11. I’m so sorry, Jessica. You’re a good person and you”ll get through this.

    /Long time reader

  12. Hi, long time follower of your blog and admirer of your work. i am so sorry. only advice is patience, don’t make any big decisions right now.

  13. Oh my, so sorry to hear this. I hope things come together quickly for you, maybe before you are forced to part with your own horses. I’ve been following your blog since you began training for the Retired Racehorse makeover–it’s been a wonderful journey.

  14. I’m so sorry to hear about this. I stumbled on your blog a while back and have always enjoyed reading your posts. My advice it will get better in time and like “T” said I wouldn’t make any hasty decisions and sell all your horses. If possible, maybe keep Letterman? since he seems to be your favorite ride? That way you still can get that “horse fix” that we all need desperately need some days.

  15. I’ve been reading your blog for a long time and I’m so, so sorry to hear this. I don’t know what I could say to make you feel better, but if you’d like to chat, just send me an email (I think you can see my address). I hope you can keep your horses – they will be a refuge in the days to come.

  16. Jess, THANK YOU for sharing!!! It is amazing how much people can care about someone they have never met or interacted with. I am one of the faceless masses that have followed you on the CANTER blog, facebook and the OTTB symposium. I have long admired you, not just for your work with the horses, but your ability to work a full time job, teach, run a farm and share it all with us so honestly and willingly. A lot of us live in the horse world vicariously through you, because we do not have the means, the physical ability, the skill, or just because life took us in another direction. YOU are one of the ways that I fight to stay connected to the world of horses, as an adult amateur who works a 40 hour a week desk job and still doesn’t really have the means to play the game. You bring stuff to the table in ways you don’t even realize! You enrich and touch people’s lives who have never even met you. That’s pretty cool.

    I hope you continue to share. God works through people. You never know who is going to be the next person who says the one thing that gets you through the next hour, the next day.

  17. Just wanted to add, finding a great therapist is not a bad idea. 🙂

  18. Another long time reader here – I just wanted to add my two cents and say that I’m so very sorry to hear this news. I logged on, saw you had updated, and happily clicked the link to your blog. Then, when I started reading your post, it took my breath away. I felt like I’d been hit out of the blue…and then I thought about what YOU must have felt like. I can’t imagine it, but I do want you to know that I’ve seen folks half the person you are get through worse. I KNOW you can do this.

    Don’t make any big decisions right now. Find someone to talk to (a therapist can be a life-saver). Know that you’re going to be all right.

    Jenn

  19. More hugs to you, Jess. If you need something entertaining to watch, I’ve already got the videos from Encore’s XC lesson last Sunday up on my YouTube channel (eventer79) and will soon make a blog post. I would not have him if it weren’t for you and even when he is a goober, he makes me smile, so know that you have given that gift to many. I’ve already said more on FB so I’ll leave it at that. ❤

  20. Jessica,

    I’ve read your blogs for a few years now. I really benefited from your stories, especially the way you handled difficult cases, like Letterman. The relationship between you and that quirky horse helped me be a better partner to my own quirky horse…

    Take time to regroup and take care of yourself. Try to keep one horse (maybe Letterman) because it will help keep you grounded and give you a relationship to lean on as you work through the grief and confusion. It will help.

  21. Jess, as you can see, we are all rooting for you. I know things are hard right now, and you certainty don’t have to share any personal information you don’t want to, but I think I speak for a lot of us when I say we want to know that you’re hanging in there!

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