You may notice the lack of posts leading up to the symposium. On Monday, which was my birthday, my amazing husband walked out on me. Put the cake down on the counter and packed his bag. I thought I had a great marriage and we had built a wonderful life together. We had been married 10 yrs. Everybody who knew us is totally shocked. It makes you feel like you lived a lie. I honestly can’t say I even know what happened. He gave reasons, the main being he doesn’t love me and he doesn’t like the person that I am. Hard to believe that you still have a very close emotional and physical relationship with somebody and manage to miss all the signs. Heck, our business had never been better. We were achieving all of our goals that we had set and looking forward to the future. I always did my best to treat him great. We didn’t argue. We had no issues. There just weren’t any signs. Maybe lack of communication as he wasn’t ever much of a talker so I place some blame there.
I always thought my husband to be a wonderful man. He was always very supportive of the horses but he never needed to be as involved if he didn’t want to be. I always tried to put our marriage first. We both had good jobs outside of the farm/horses and easily could have done things differently if needed. He left without even a shot at counseling. I am a fixer so that is most frustrating because I would do anything to make things work.
Right now my world is turned upside down. I have a 11 acre farm with 8 horses, 16 cats (lots of barn cats and some house cats) and a dog. It all seems overwhelming to the point of being crippling. You just don’t know which way to go or how you will make it through the day.
I did take Katzimo to the symposium but I didn’t ride. Allie Knowles rode him and it was so cool to see. He was amazing and showed off what a cool horse that he really is. He is sold and will leave tomorrow. I am selling all my personal horses. Letterman, Junior, Legend, Blue Desert and Tin Star. I need to regroup and find which direction I will go.
Honestly, I do need support right now. It has been most helpful just to have people to talk to, email with or just hear that it will be okay. I suppose some people want to hide but I am lonely in my house. firstname.lastname@example.org or 302-598-6129.